| Not long after Arlyn died, my husband and I | | | | to walk with me.That's what a support group is: a |
| decided to attend a support group program run | | | | safe place. It may be an AA group for those who |
| by the local Hospice organization. We felt lost, | | | | struggle with alcohol, an abuse group for those |
| afraid, and alone, and we desperately needed to | | | | who have been victimized by abusers, a group |
| understand the emotional roller coaster we were | | | | for people addicted to gambling, or a grief group |
| on.So the night of the first support meeting, we | | | | for those who are trying to survive the loss of a |
| drove 30 miles to the church where the meeting | | | | loved one by death.It's a place to go to so you |
| was held. The room we walked into had a single | | | | can connect with others who have almost walked |
| row of fold-up chairs arranged in a circle, | | | | in your shoes.Some support groups are run by |
| refreshments on a table, and a friendly woman | | | | professionals. They generally have a program to |
| welcomed us.We had arrived early; all of the | | | | follow, materials to take home with information, |
| seats were empty. After I glanced at my | | | | and they are led by people with college degrees. |
| husband, to make sure he had not turned around | | | | They sometimes encourage people to set goals, |
| and walked out, we sat down quietly on the seats | | | | and they sometimes offer therapy.Other support |
| closest to us and to the door.Shortly after we | | | | groups are lead by those who have no official |
| arrived, a few other people wandered in and took | | | | certification, but whose experience may teach |
| seats also. We nodded at them nervously, | | | | them more about the common issue than |
| wondering if their stories were like ours, | | | | anything they could read about in books.I have |
| wondering if they had nightmares as bad as we | | | | participated in both types of support groups, and I |
| did.And then, the meeting began. The facilitator | | | | find value in both. They meet different needs in |
| spoke. She welcomed us all, stated that everyone | | | | different ways.I personally think the value of |
| in the room had lost a loved one, and asked us to | | | | peer-lead support groups are greatly undervalued, |
| introduce ourselves.One by one, the people | | | | however. When people sit in a circle and share |
| present stated their names and briefly told us | | | | their stories and hearts with others who will not |
| about why they were there. Some of them shed | | | | pass judgement on them, others who truly do |
| tears as they talked.As each one spoke, my mind | | | | know how they feel, a huge burden is often lifted |
| was trying to take in a situation outside of my | | | | from their shoulders.Lifting that emotional burden |
| experience. How could this be? We thought we | | | | seems to be the key to survival, the key to living |
| were the only ones in the world who were | | | | life again - as opposed to being pulled down into |
| grieving. We were not alone, after all!For the next | | | | deep depression and not finding the strength to |
| couple hours, we talked - and listened. We | | | | come back up.The best thing about peer lead |
| discovered that some of our feelings matched | | | | support groups is that they are free! The worst |
| the feelings of others there. Perhaps we were | | | | thing about them is that there are not enough of |
| not abnormal, after all!Best of all, though, when | | | | them around.Quote of the day:When it seems |
| we said Arlyn's name, and when we said the | | | | that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us |
| word suicide, no one blinked an eye! No one got | | | | think of the great family of the heavy-hearted |
| up and walked out, no one replied by saying, Get | | | | into which our grief has given us entrance, and |
| over it! She's gone! And no one even hinted that it | | | | inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their |
| was our fault.During the meeting, some of us | | | | sympathy, their understanding. - Helen KellerBy |
| cried. No one tried to stop us. During the meeting, | | | | Karyl Chastain BealMission in life before Arlyn's |
| some of us talked about funerals, and no one | | | | death was teaching children. Now, it's teaching |
| squirmed. It was amazing.We were the only ones | | | | those left behind after suicide to survive and live |
| in the group who had come because of the death | | | | again. It's also educating the public about suicide |
| of a daughter, and we were the only ones | | | | and suicide grief.Beal is a certified thanatologist via |
| mourning a suicide death, but even then, the | | | | the Association on Death Education and |
| connection we felt with others was strong. We | | | | Counseling. Owner if several websites devoted to |
| were not alone.By the time we left the meeting, I | | | | suicide support and education. Has published |
| felt emotionally drained, but that was exactly | | | | writings in Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul, |
| what I had needed. A safe place to talk, to vent, | | | | the Journal for the National Alliance on Mentally Ill, |
| to connect. A place where I could find someone | | | | Seventeen Magazine and various newspapers. |