| Not long after Arlyn died, my husband and I | | | | is: a safe place. It may be an AA group for |
| decided to attend a support group program run | | | | those who struggle with alcohol, an abuse |
| by the local Hospice organization. We felt | | | | group for those who have been victimized by |
| lost, afraid, and alone, and we desperately | | | | abusers, a group for people addicted to |
| needed to understand the emotional roller | | | | gambling, or a grief group for those who are |
| coaster we were on.So the night of the first | | | | trying to survive the loss of a loved one by |
| support meeting, we drove 30 miles to the | | | | death.It's a place to go to so you can |
| church where the meeting was held. The room | | | | connect with others who have almost walked in |
| we walked into had a single row of fold-up | | | | your shoes.Some support groups are run by |
| chairs arranged in a circle, refreshments on | | | | professionals. They generally have a program |
| a table, and a friendly woman welcomed us.We | | | | to follow, materials to take home with |
| had arrived early; all of the seats were | | | | information, and they are led by people with |
| empty. After I glanced at my husband, to make | | | | college degrees. They sometimes encourage |
| sure he had not turned around and walked out, | | | | people to set goals, and they sometimes offer |
| we sat down quietly on the seats closest to | | | | therapy.Other support groups are lead by |
| us and to the door.Shortly after we arrived, | | | | those who have no official certification, but |
| a few other people wandered in and took seats | | | | whose experience may teach them more about |
| also. We nodded at them nervously, wondering | | | | the common issue than anything they could |
| if their stories were like ours, wondering if | | | | read about in books.I have participated in |
| they had nightmares as bad as we did.And | | | | both types of support groups, and I find |
| then, the meeting began. The facilitator | | | | value in both. They meet different needs in |
| spoke. She welcomed us all, stated that | | | | different ways.I personally think the value |
| everyone in the room had lost a loved one, | | | | of peer-lead support groups are greatly |
| and asked us to introduce ourselves.One by | | | | undervalued, however. When people sit in a |
| one, the people present stated their names | | | | circle and share their stories and hearts |
| and briefly told us about why they were | | | | with others who will not pass judgement on |
| there. Some of them shed tears as they | | | | them, others who truly do know how they feel, |
| talked.As each one spoke, my mind was trying | | | | a huge burden is often lifted from their |
| to take in a situation outside of my | | | | shoulders.Lifting that emotional burden seems |
| experience. How could this be? We thought we | | | | to be the key to survival, the key to living |
| were the only ones in the world who were | | | | life again - as opposed to being pulled down |
| grieving. We were not alone, after all!For | | | | into deep depression and not finding the |
| the next couple hours, we talked - and | | | | strength to come back up.The best thing about |
| listened. We discovered that some of our | | | | peer lead support groups is that they are |
| feelings matched the feelings of others | | | | free! The worst thing about them is that |
| there. Perhaps we were not abnormal, after | | | | there are not enough of them around.Quote of |
| all!Best of all, though, when we said Arlyn's | | | | the day:When it seems that our sorrow is too |
| name, and when we said the word suicide, no | | | | great to be borne, let us think of the great |
| one blinked an eye! No one got up and walked | | | | family of the heavy-hearted into which our |
| out, no one replied by saying, Get over it! | | | | grief has given us entrance, and inevitably, |
| She's gone! And no one even hinted that it | | | | we will feel about us their arms, their |
| was our fault.During the meeting, some of us | | | | sympathy, their understanding. - Helen |
| cried. No one tried to stop us. During the | | | | KellerBy Karyl Chastain BealMission in life |
| meeting, some of us talked about funerals, | | | | before Arlyn's death was teaching children. |
| and no one squirmed. It was amazing.We were | | | | Now, it's teaching those left behind after |
| the only ones in the group who had come | | | | suicide to survive and live again. It's also |
| because of the death of a daughter, and we | | | | educating the public about suicide and |
| were the only ones mourning a suicide death, | | | | suicide grief.Beal is a certified |
| but even then, the connection we felt with | | | | thanatologist via the Association on Death |
| others was strong. We were not alone.By the | | | | Education and Counseling. Owner if several |
| time we left the meeting, I felt emotionally | | | | websites devoted to suicide support and |
| drained, but that was exactly what I had | | | | education. Has published writings in Chicken |
| needed. A safe place to talk, to vent, to | | | | Soup for the Unsinkable Soul, the Journal for |
| connect. A place where I could find someone | | | | the National Alliance on Mentally Ill, |
| to walk with me.That's what a support group | | | | Seventeen Magazine and various newspapers. |