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Parenting Angry Children - Seven Easy Ways to Transform From Reactive to Respected Parent

Copyright (c) 2008 Debra Sale Wendler minutes to decide what to do with you."
Children with ADHD (attention deficit Calm down and return in exactly five
hyperactivity disorder), ODD minutes. That's modeling self-control.
(oppositional defiant disorder), bipolar, (And you win.)
autism, Asperger's syndrome, and PDD-NOS 4. Refuse to raise your voice. If he's
(Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not out of control, try whispering. If he
Otherwise Specified), can be very unnerves you enough that you raise your
difficult. If your child has one of voice, he wins again.
these conditions, he may try to push your 5. Refuse to beg, bribe, or nag. Or your
buttons so you lose control and he wins. child will think you're weak, and he
The only way out of this gridlock is to wins. Praise him when you catch him being
develop some refusal tactics of your own. good. And give him a chance to win by
Adopt these winning tactics that soothe improving his behavior.
your child and elevate your parenting 6. Refuse to hit, spank, or threaten.
style: You already know that these methods do
1. Refuse to argue. Your child's first not work. Your child sees your attempt to
line of defense (and distraction from the use these methods as weakness (and he
real issue at hand) is to start an wins again).
argument. Counter his defensive tactic You need to motivate your child to
with your calm logic. improve his behavior and win your praise
For example, if you child doesn't want to and attention.
do the dishes, he may say, "I didn't eat You can remote control your child's
any of that stupid dinner so I'm not behavior with a token system, also called
doing the stupid dishes." You can say, a behavior chart.
"I hear you. The chore chart shows The secret is to find one that is easy to
clearly that you wash dinner dishes this use. Some are too complicated.
week. Please start now." If you weaken 7. Refuse to hold grudges or gripe about
and argue, he wins. the past. It's impossible to change the
2. Refuse to cater, coddle, or pamper past, so it's unfair for you to harp on
your child when he is disagreeable. it. If you do, your child is entitled to
Otherwise he'll think, "I must be the have a tantrum. (And he wins.)
prince, and you must be the doormat. Why All you have is the present. What you do
else would you cater to me when I treat right now builds your future, and your
you lower than the rattlesnake's belly?" child's, so make it count.
Your child's second line of defense may You Can Solve This.
be to throw a tantrum or act out. Your calmer cooler response will be so
This is a control tactic plain and surprising that your child will admire
simple. Your child can control this. and respect your patience and strength of
Counter his defensive tactic by character. Then and only then will he
withdrawing your attention. Calmly clear trust you enough to learn from you. You
other children, pets, and breakables from both win.
his tantrum area, and move to another I invite you to use these methods to
room. Without attention, he will get transform quickly from reactive parent to
bored quickly with his tantrum. surprisingly calm cool and collected
3. Refuse to get emotionally overwhelmed. parent worthy of attention and respect.
If you get overwhelmed, say "I need five




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