| Copyright (c) 2008 Debra Sale Wendler | | | | You need to fulfill your child's special needs, |
| Are you struggling with your child's signs of | | | | including his need for a visual reward system, his |
| autism, ADD or ADHD (attention deficit disorder), | | | | need to learn proper emotional expression, and his |
| ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), bipolar, | | | | need for values and skills training. |
| Aspergers, and PDD-NOS (Pervasive | | | | 2. Adopting new ways of talking and acting that |
| Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise | | | | your child understands and respects. Your child |
| Specified)? | | | | has a short attention span. So you need to learn |
| You and your child are probably frustrated | | | | how to talk in six-second bits. Long talking bores |
| because so many things haven't worked. | | | | him and causes him to feel disrespected. You also |
| You're likely worried about your child's future, and | | | | need to learn new gestures to replace those |
| yours. | | | | innocent gestures you probably use all day long |
| If your child is very angry and defiant and is | | | | that inflame angry children. |
| constantly challenging your every word, you're | | | | 3. Using simple tools that regain your child's |
| exhausted and hurt, perhaps even angry, because | | | | cooperation and restore order in your home. |
| parenting shouldn't be so hard. | | | | These tools help you motivate your child to |
| Here's the good news: Although your child | | | | improve his behavior and win your praise and |
| behavior problems may seem complicated, the | | | | attention. |
| solutions are quite simple. | | | | The most important tool is a visual reward |
| Here's Why You're Stuck: | | | | system, also called a behavior chart or star chart. |
| Built into your child's condition is a parent-child | | | | Without it, you're stuck with begging, bribing, and |
| relationship destroyer that you can't stop until you | | | | threateningthey don't work. The secret here is |
| understand your child's condition completely. Not | | | | to find a reward system that is easy to use. |
| what the books say. Not what the case studies | | | | 4. Preparing your child with values and skills with |
| show. | | | | which to succeed at home and school, and make |
| But what having this condition really means to | | | | friends. He cannot learn these values and skills by |
| your child. How he or she interprets everything | | | | observing others. His short attention span won't |
| you do and say. That's entirely different than | | | | allow it. |
| what you intend. | | | | He needs you to teach him basic values, including |
| That explains the disconnect between your loving | | | | honesty, charity, and responsibility. Then he will be |
| intentions and your child's willingness to cooperate. | | | | ready to learn simple value-based skills, for |
| And the underlying reason is as astonishing as the | | | | example, telling the truth, sharing, and how to |
| solution. | | | | take care of himself and his belongings. He also |
| There's no way that you would ever guess it. So | | | | needs to learn social skills, for example, introducing |
| you can forgive yourself, right now. It isn't your | | | | himself and talking on the phone. Without social |
| fault. | | | | skills training, your child will lack the ability to |
| Now that you know why you're stuck, let's talk | | | | develop lasting and meaningful relationships. |
| about what works. | | | | You Can Solve This |
| 1. Understanding what your child really needs so | | | | It sounds easy and it is, with the right guide. It is |
| that you can provide it. Children with ADHD, ODD, | | | | a lot easier and less frustrating than repeatedly |
| Aspergers, and PDD-NOS and autism are easily | | | | trying, struggling, and failing. I invite you to use |
| emotionally overwhelmed. Therefore, it is | | | | these tips to build your relationship with your child, |
| important to remain even tempered, especially if | | | | and reconnect with happier family times. |
| your child is not. | | | | |