| Copyright (c) 2008 Debra Sale Wendler | | | | example, the food you prepare. This is |
| If your child has ODD (oppositional | | | | an effort to control you, plain and |
| defiant disorder) or bipolar, you're | | | | simple. Catering parents answer food |
| familiar with child behavior problems. | | | | complaints by making something the child |
| If your child has signs of autism, ADHD | | | | prefers. The ungrateful child wins |
| or ADD (attention deficit disorder), | | | | again. Next time he'll complain more so |
| Aspergers, or PDD-NOS (Pervasive | | | | that he can win more. Your child's |
| Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise | | | | whining and complaining will end when |
| Specified), you may be seeing | | | | you learn how to provide his special |
| challenging behaviors. | | | | needs. |
| Five Warning Signs of Challenging Child | | | | 4. Argues. Everything is a battle, from |
| Behavior: | | | | when to wake up, to what to wear, and |
| If you suspect that your child's | | | | when to go to bed. This day-long string |
| difficult behavior is something more | | | | of quarrels and disputes is exhausting |
| than just being a kid, these are the | | | | and quickly erodes your relationship. |
| warning signs of a full-fledged | | | | Your child's arguing proves that he |
| challenging child. | | | | challenges your authority. When he is |
| 1. Refuses to look up into your eyes. | | | | confident in your authority, he will |
| This is one of the early signs that your | | | | give up some of his need to set his own |
| parent-child relationship is in trouble. | | | | rules. |
| He refuses to look up into your eyes | | | | 5. Is oppositional. You say now; your |
| because that gives you power. He doesn't | | | | child says never. Oppositional children |
| trust you enough to give you that | | | | challenge everything, your requests, |
| control. To test this, ask your child | | | | your rules, and your schedule. It's |
| to sit beside you while you show him | | | | exhausting, and heart breaking, and can |
| something, for example, a book or | | | | cause you to want to escape your child's |
| picture. Ask a friend or older child to | | | | tyranny. Who can blame you? |
| observe how your child looks at you. | | | | If Your Child is Challenging, Listen Up. |
| The solution is to mend your | | | | If you're like 99.99% of parents of |
| relationship. It is rare to find anyone | | | | challenging children, you may be making |
| who offers step-by-step advice on how to | | | | innocent errors all day long that |
| do this. The first step is to learn and | | | | actually make your child's behavior |
| respect your child's special needs | | | | worse. Please don't blame yourself. You |
| without getting emotionally overwhelmed | | | | couldn't possibly have guessed. So you |
| and without catering to his demands. | | | | can forgive yourself right now. |
| When you learn how to mend your | | | | The five warning signs listed above |
| parent-child relationship, your child | | | | reveal how ODD (oppositional defiant |
| will look up into your eyes with | | | | disorder) develops (65% of children with |
| respect. | | | | ADHD develop it). If your child has ODD, |
| 2. Refuses to learn from you. Even your | | | | or is developing it, his difficult |
| simple efforts to teach him how to hold | | | | behavior will get worse unless you take |
| a fork or comb his hair are refused. He | | | | action. |
| has decided that you are not to be | | | | Your child needs your specific help to |
| trusted, and therefore he cannot learn | | | | stop these problem behaviors. He cannot |
| from you. You can test this by asking | | | | do it on his own. |
| your child to sit with you as you teach | | | | You Can Solve This. |
| him something, for example, how to draw | | | | The good news is that ODD can be easily |
| a tree. If the battles begin, that's | | | | prevented or minimized. The solution is |
| your warning. When you mend your | | | | easier than you think. If you are seeing |
| parent-child relationship, your child | | | | the warning signs that your child is |
| will allow you to teach him. | | | | challenging and not just being a typical |
| 3. Whines and complains. No matter how | | | | kid, I invite you to use these parenting |
| hard you try to please him, he always | | | | tips to improve his behavior and improve |
| finds something to complain about, for | | | | your family life. |