| Which of the following situations send you over | | | | different and learning to be flexible and open to |
| the edge? You ask your child to do something | | | | what is working and what is not can make a |
| three times and he is still not listening. Your four | | | | world of difference in managing our patience. For |
| year old is having a complete melt down over | | | | instance, if you have a strong willed child, an |
| something you see as insignificant. You've had a | | | | authoritarian style of parenting is probably not |
| long day and your teenager won't stop arguing | | | | going to be very effective. Being overly strict and |
| with you. As moms, we all have a patience | | | | controlling with a strong willed child will create |
| meter. The gauge goes up and down depending | | | | more power struggles than your patience will be |
| on our mood, our personality, and our triggers. If | | | | able to handle. That style of parenting, however, |
| there is one thing that moms wish they had more | | | | may work with a passive child. |
| of, its patience (and time, of course). Just like | | | | Just like every child has a different personality, |
| there are time management skills you can learn, | | | | each situation needs to be treated independently. |
| there are also patience management skills. | | | | If you are in the middle of a situation that is |
| Examine Your Expectations | | | | escalating, examine your approach. Is what you |
| I know I am stating the obvious, but children are | | | | are doing right now helping or hindering the |
| not adults. They don't think like adults, act like | | | | situation? Be willing to adjust your approach to |
| adults or even have the same brain development | | | | help the situation diffuse. There are always |
| as adults. As a matter of fact, their brains are not | | | | alternative solutions to losing our patience. |
| fully developed until about the age of 23. The last | | | | Develop a Consistent Discipline Strategy |
| part of the brain to develop is the part that is | | | | Most of the time when we lose our patience, it's |
| involved in rational decision making. | | | | because we have waited too long to discipline our |
| So it makes sense that the expectations we | | | | children. If we think about the child behaviors that |
| have of our children needs to be age appropriate | | | | grate on our nerves, we usually think of behaviors |
| and situation appropriate. To expect a child to | | | | such as whining, tantrums, arguing, not listening, |
| always remember his homework or other items | | | | and disrespectful talking. All of these and more |
| that belong to him is unrealistic. Many adults have | | | | are behaviors that need a consistent discipline |
| a problem with forgetting things. If you know a | | | | strategy. |
| two year old and a teenager's main focus is | | | | If you know your child has an issue with arguing, |
| asserting their independence, then it can be helpful | | | | after examining your own tendency to argue, put |
| to put tantrums and strong wills into perspective. | | | | a plan in place to handle this issue every time it |
| Sometimes we lose our patience because we are | | | | comes up. For instance, if your child begins arguing |
| expecting our children to behave in a way they | | | | with you, you patiently remind her that arguing is |
| are simply not capable of. Take time to examine | | | | not allowed and if she continues she will be sent |
| the situation and try to put yourself in your child's | | | | to her room. If she continues, send her to her |
| shoes. How might she be feeling? What is | | | | room. If you do this consistently, she will |
| important to your child in the moment? How | | | | eventually learn what the boundaries are. By being |
| might her perspective be different than yours? | | | | proactive and addressing the misbehavior |
| Don't Take Things Personally | | | | immediately, you save yourself from the regret |
| Kids are like us; imperfect. And they are going to | | | | you feel when you lose your patience. |
| do things that are seemingly directed right at us. | | | | Take a Mommy Timeout |
| Your child might stare you down and defiantly say | | | | Even moms can use a timeout. There are two |
| "NO". He might not listen to your words of | | | | ways to take advantage of this strategy. First, |
| wisdom because he would rather do things his | | | | take a timeout in the middle of an emotionally |
| own way. Your daughter might even get | | | | charged situation. It is okay to walk away if you |
| pregnant, even though she knows how much it | | | | are beginning to lose your patience. You might |
| will hurt you. Some of a child's misbehavior may | | | | think your child is winning the battle if you walk |
| be intentional and some may be unintentional, but | | | | away, but the opposite is true. Your child wins the |
| none of it is personal. | | | | battle when you lose control of your emotions. |
| As soon as we become personally attached to | | | | Some battles are not worth fighting and some |
| our children's behavior, we begin using their | | | | battles need a timeout. You can always go back |
| behavior as a measurement of our adequacy as | | | | when you are composed. |
| a mom. If they behave nicely, we are a great | | | | The second way to use timeout is to take regular |
| mom. If our children misbehave, we have | | | | time for you to engage in self-care. More often |
| somehow failed. These feelings of failure evoke | | | | than not, moms lose their patience when they are |
| an emotional reaction in us that can cause us to | | | | tired and worn down. Know your limits and when |
| lose our patience. Instead of being emotionally | | | | it's time to take a mommy timeout. Go for a |
| involved in child misbehavior, practice being a | | | | walk, have lunch with an inspiring friend, spend |
| curious observer. It's a great opportunity to learn | | | | time in prayer/meditation or laugh yourself silly in |
| more about your child as well as yourself. Your | | | | a funny movie. Do whatever refuels and |
| child may need to learn some new skills and you | | | | refreshes you. You will then return to motherhood |
| may need to look at changing some of your own | | | | with a whole new outlook and a healthy reserve |
| behaviors. We are all creatures of habit and we're | | | | of patience. |
| all learning how to master life. Taking child | | | | Patience is not something we are born with. It's a |
| misbehavior personally will not serve you in finding | | | | skill that is developed with time and practice. With |
| a solution to the problem. | | | | the right approach and the right attitude, we can |
| Adjust Your Parenting Style | | | | all learn patience. What is the hidden gift of |
| I don't believe there is a one size fits all style of | | | | learning to be more patient? Our children model |
| parenting. Every child and every situation is | | | | our behavior. |