| As the parent of two children who have both | | | | and through adulthood. Some small percentage of |
| been diagnosed with Attention Deficit | | | | children may outgrow this condition, but most |
| Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), I have learned | | | | simply become adults who continue to wage an |
| much about the character of my children, and | | | | on-going battle with their ADHD. |
| perhaps as importantly, I have learned much | | | | As noted in the summary above, changes in |
| about my own. Some of these realities can be | | | | definition and focus have occurred in recent years |
| frightening at times, but most can be addressed | | | | as a result of ongoing ADHD research and testing. |
| and handled in a positive and meaningful way so | | | | Today, it is no longer appropriate to simply view |
| the children are not constantly under the gun with | | | | this disorder as an "attention" issue. The condition |
| unrealistic expectations for their behavior and | | | | is more accurately identified as a lack of |
| accomplishments. | | | | self-regulation, or "How the self comes to manage |
| Sometimes "average" can be an excellent | | | | itself within the larger realm of social behavior." |
| achievement. This is not to say that we do not | | | | To label it a disorder of attention trivializes the |
| give our children every chance to excel, but they | | | | disorder, since it grossly understates the |
| must do so with guidance and support from | | | | substantial and dramatic problems these children |
| parents, teachers and counselors. They are not | | | | face in trying to meet the challenges of their daily |
| oh so different from other kids, but their actions | | | | lifes and the increasing demands of their families, |
| are magnified by their impulsivity, an inability to tell | | | | schools, and society to regulate themselves as |
| the truth for even the most inane issues, they | | | | they mature. [Preface, pg xi, Taking Charge of |
| tend to blurt out words or make statements that | | | | ADHD, Revised edition,© 2005 by Russell A. |
| no normal thinking person would dare say and | | | | Barkley, PhD.©.] |
| they often regret their behavior but are typically | | | | Too often people doubt the existence of this |
| not able to control themselves without some help. | | | | disorder and instead put the onus for a child's |
| The scary part for me is their near total lack of | | | | behavior on a lack of parenting or improper |
| fear. This results in lots of little and sometimes | | | | parenting, and insist that better discipline is the |
| major accidents where they injure themselves | | | | way to resolve this problem. And I will bet you |
| and sometimes others. | | | | that none of these people have ever had the |
| I first learned of my son's disorder when he was | | | | opportunity themselves to raise a child afflicted |
| nearly five years old. I did not receive this | | | | with this condition for which two genes have been |
| assessment with open arms, but when I reflected | | | | reliably identified in the molecular genetics of |
| upon my son's behavior and the trouble he had | | | | ADHD. |
| developing social skills, staying on task or simply | | | | Many parents fall prey to information that has no |
| blurting out words that could bring lawsuits in an | | | | scientific basis and yet has die hard adherents. |
| adult context, many of the pieces of the puzzle | | | | Simply saying something isn't so in no way |
| began to fall into place. He was, and still can be, | | | | reduces the stress and strain this condition has on |
| very impulsive. Many children are. He becomes | | | | a child or the family as they battle day to day |
| very angry from time to time. Well, I can | | | | and hour to hour to find the means for helping a |
| understand that, too. Afterall. in his eyes his | | | | young one who in one moment is an angel and in |
| mother has abandoned him and left him and his | | | | the next a rambunctious terror. And when you |
| baby sister to live with their father, while she | | | | awaken to the sounds of crying from your child |
| went off to live her own life. This will likely be a | | | | who cannot understand why they do what they |
| sore point for both my children if their mother | | | | do and often cannot do much but shrug their |
| continues to live as if she only needs to be | | | | shoulders in response to the question, Why? Or, |
| available to them when she chooses. | | | | what did you hope to gain from the destruction |
| School is where the biggest problems have | | | | of that toy or game? You come to realize that |
| occurred. My son was disruptive in class and | | | | your child or children truly are victims of a |
| confrontational with students and even teachers | | | | condition they have no control over. If you have |
| and administrators from time to time. I have | | | | ever lived with anyone who is suffering from |
| spent a lot of time working with my son to | | | | ADHD, you know it is real because no human |
| explain to him ad nauseum that actions and | | | | being could manifest such divergent personality |
| behaviors have consequences. Thankfully, I have | | | | traits without a medical or psychological condition |
| also learned from the lessons I continue to | | | | being involved. |
| impress upon my son, and in time he has | | | | Children or adults who suffer from this malady |
| developed a cursory understanding that it is more | | | | have |
| important to think about what you intend to say | | | | "... a disturbed sense of time.... They do not use |
| before you open your mouth, than to simply blurt | | | | their sense of time to guide their behavior as well |
| out whatever comes to mind and then pay the | | | | as others, and therefore cannot manage |
| price for having done so. His lack of impulse | | | | themselves relative to time, deadlines, and the |
| control has cost him dearly on several occasions, | | | | future generally as well as others are able to do. |
| however, each event was also a life lesson that | | | | This includes intervals as short as 10-20 seconds. |
| we both reviewed and talk about. We do this not | | | | Time escapes them and they are never as able |
| to keep old wounds open, but the reassert the | | | | to deal with it as effectively as others of their |
| true lesson and keep it in mind to enable him to | | | | age group do." [Preface, page xi.Taking Charge of |
| avoid repeating it. And when he stops himself, it is | | | | ADHD...], |
| an event worth celebrating because this | | | | . |
| reinforces his belief that he can do it. When a child | | | | Again, referencing the revised edition of Taking |
| believes they can accomplish a task, most any | | | | Charge of ADHD... . In the introduction Dr. Barkley |
| task, it is good for their psychological growth and | | | | provides a philosophy for the parents of children |
| for a child afflicted with ADHD, it can be a game | | | | who are diagnosed ADHD and it essentially |
| changer. | | | | involves viewing our responsibilities as a three |
| School has become an ever larger part of my | | | | legged stool. The individual legs are: |
| son's life and he is on his way to junior high school | | | | - Becoming a Principle-Centered Parent - the |
| next year. But as he advanced through grade | | | | bottom line is that we have to hold ourselves to a |
| school it was apparent that he was not going to | | | | higher standard because we have control over |
| be able to keep up with the level of work each | | | | the outcome and the freedom to act to change |
| grade required. His socialization skills have | | | | what happens.We must be bigger and better than |
| improved dramatically, but that was not the case | | | | we were before we became parents to ADHD |
| when he was five or six or even seven or eight | | | | afflicted children. We are the one person a child |
| years of age. | | | | must know they can turn to regardless of the |
| Early on the sight vocabulary words were | | | | issue. |
| impossible for him to read and recall, his | | | | - Becoming An Executive Parent - Here we are |
| vocalizations were often unintelligible, and he | | | | the life case managers for our children. We need |
| became angry with me on more than one | | | | to educate ourselves and ask questions. Be the |
| occasion because I would ask him to repeat | | | | executive case manager for your child and keep |
| himself. An IEP, (Individual Education Program) was | | | | control in your hands. Often this is a position we |
| established for him when he entered first grade | | | | will maintain for most of our children's lives, even |
| and these individually designed learning programs | | | | into adulthood, thus the term "life case managers". |
| have been updated annually since that time. This | | | | - Becoming A Scientific Parent - Question |
| tool, or road map, is one of the best ways to | | | | everything, be open to new information, but |
| track a child's progress through his or her school | | | | remain skeptical. Experiment but allow for |
| career. And when used in conjunction with report | | | | revisions and make changes based on results. |
| cards and notices from teachers or | | | | As previously noted, I am a parent working with |
| administrators, I can keep up to speed with my | | | | two children diagnosed with ADHD and I know |
| children's progress and provide incentives to help | | | | with no one else having to tell me that my |
| keep my children motivated. | | | | children have an issue and it is not of their doing. |
| An IEP allows accommodations to be allocated | | | | Raising children is always a challenge and there are |
| based on what grade level the child is working at | | | | many, varied perspectives on how to properly |
| presently, what goals need to be achieved and | | | | accomplish that task, but having children with this |
| through what means. Every child with a learning | | | | disorder provides me an opportunity, and this |
| disability should have one of these developed for | | | | book, Taking Charge Of ADHD, revised edition by |
| them and it should be kept current. I attend a | | | | Russell A. Barkley, PhD., is serving well as an |
| meeting every year to review my children's | | | | excellent and authoritative guide for me to follow. |
| growth. Have they met or exceeded the criteria | | | | There are many other books out in the |
| established for them? Is there still a problem | | | | marketplace that can provide you with |
| area? If so, additional resources can be allocated | | | | perspective and high quality information regarding |
| to assist a child and help bring them up to class | | | | this condition and a few I would recommend to |
| level. These resources might include one on one | | | | any parent include: |
| instruction with a special education teacher, or | | | | Delivered From Distraction,© 2005,by Edward M. |
| extra time to take a test - the same test all | | | | Hallowell, M.D., and John J. Ratey, M.D |
| other students take, but special attention may be | | | | Driven To Distraction, ©1994, by Edward M. |
| required to ensure the ADHD child understands | | | | Hallowell, M.D., and John J. Ratey, M.D |
| what a test question is asking. Or, if a child simply | | | | Attention Deficit Disorder - A Different |
| needs to talk to someone, they have a counselor | | | | Perception, © 1993, 1997, by Thom Hartmann |
| or a social worker they are provided access to. | | | | You can never have too much information or |
| There are many possibilities and an annual review | | | | insight into this life changing condition. It is |
| is but one way to ensure that the parent or | | | | controllable with medication if the dosage is |
| parents, the teachers and staff are all on the | | | | correct for your child's body size, metabolic rate |
| same page. Further, if I notice a problem or | | | | and attitude. But working with such children itself |
| positive growth in any area I, as the parent of | | | | requires a diplomatic mind set and a willingness to |
| children for whom IEP's have been developed and | | | | avoid unnecessary confrontations. |
| put in force, have the option to ask that a | | | | This is one case where I find that I must pick and |
| meeting be scheduled outside the normaltime | | | | choose which battles are most important for my |
| frame of an annual review to address the | | | | children's healthy growth and maturation. The |
| problem area specifically, or to remove an | | | | steps seem always to be incremental when |
| accommodation that is no longer needed. There | | | | moving toward the positive and horribly extreme |
| are federal laws in effect that provide both the | | | | when the negative infiltrates the relationship |
| children and the parents of those children the right | | | | between an ADHD child and a parent. Our |
| to have special needs assessed and a plan of | | | | responsibility is great, raising any child is a great |
| action developed to enable such afflicted children | | | | responsibility. Raising a child, or children, with ADHD |
| the opportunity to succeed. | | | | provides us with the opportunity to be more than |
| Such programs in no way reduce the responsibility | | | | we otherwise might be have been. Take the |
| a child has for trying to do his or her best and | | | | challenge as we ask our afflicted children to do |
| make a concerted attempt to succeed. And has | | | | the same. We cannot expect more of them than |
| been shown over time very, very few children | | | | we ask of ourselves. |
| intentionally start out with the idea that failure is | | | | I welcome your input and am open to any |
| an option. These children want very much to | | | | comments or discussion you may wish to initiate |
| succeed, but they have a hurdle that must be | | | | relative to ADHD, the behavior of the next |
| dealt with literally around the clock, and often into | | | | generation or our responsibility as their parents. |