| Take a moment to read this short conversation | | | | share our experiences with someone is a uniquely |
| between a mother and son. As you read, think | | | | human characteristic. No other species has the |
| about what is being communicated. Are you able | | | | capability of sharing thoughts and feelings. Sharing |
| to get a picture in your head? | | | | experiences allows us to communicate about not |
| "Hey mom, you’ll never believe this! I | | | | only our external world, but our internal world as |
| saw a baby turtle in the road." | | | | well. It provides us with the opportunity to talk |
| “Really, I wonder how big it was.” | | | | about our past, present, and future. Not only are |
| “Very small, only this big (indicates the size | | | | we able to share our experiences, but we are |
| of a half dollar with hands).” | | | | able to learn about others’ experiences. |
| “Wow, I’ll bet he was scared being | | | | We can determine what thought processes they |
| in the middle of the road. Maybe he was | | | | are using, and how they may be feeling about a |
| lost.” | | | | shared experience. |
| “I didn’t think about him being | | | | The percentages listed above for experience |
| scared; maybe I should move him out of the | | | | sharing and imperative communication relate to |
| road. Do you think he was trying to get to the | | | | the average person. For parents and others who |
| lake?” | | | | live or work with children with autism spectrum |
| “I think it would be very nice if we go back | | | | disorders, those percentages tend to be reversed. |
| down and move him out of the road. I bet he | | | | It is not uncommon for parents of children with |
| was trying to get to the lake to take a swim. | | | | an autism spectrum disorder to have 80% of the |
| It’s a hot day, and I think turtles like to | | | | communication with their child be imperative, and |
| swim just as much as little boys.” | | | | 20% be experience sharing. This generally |
| Vignettes like this are very common place among | | | | happens because parents want to talk with their |
| parents and children. This is an example of | | | | child, they want information, or they want their |
| experience sharing communication at its best. The | | | | child to do something; and asking questions or |
| majority of the communicating we do is for | | | | making a demand seems to be the only way to |
| experience sharing purposes. | | | | do this. Often, parents feel that if they |
| Now read the following conversation between a | | | | don’t ask the child a question, they will |
| mother and her son. Do you notice a difference? | | | | never know what they are thinking. It’s |
| "Hi Jimmy, how was your day?" | | | | not just parents who communicate in this way; |
| "Fine." | | | | but other people in the child’s environment, |
| "What did you do at school today?" | | | | such as school staff, do so as well. What tends to |
| "Nothing." | | | | happen for children whose environment is filled |
| "You didn’t do anything?" | | | | with imperative communication is that they learn |
| "No." | | | | to talk in this way. Much of what they |
| "Did you read any books or do any | | | | communicate is related to getting needs met, or |
| math?" | | | | sharing the same information over and over. |
| "Yes." | | | | Children in these environments learn that when |
| "What book did you read?" | | | | someone asks a question, they need to answer; |
| "I don’t know." | | | | but they do not necessarily learn how to think |
| "Did you go to gym today?" | | | | and provide a thoughtful answer. They also tend |
| "Yep." | | | | to learn that many people ask the same types of |
| "What did you do in gym?" | | | | questions, so that they can give the same |
| . . . And on and on it goes. | | | | response over and over without needing to think |
| Does this exchange sound familiar? This dialogue is | | | | about it. |
| an example of imperative communication. Were | | | | What are some ways that you can begin to |
| this mother and son conversing? Yes. Were they | | | | change the way you communicate with children |
| communicating? No. Is the son in this vignette | | | | on the autism spectrum? Begin slowly, by deciding |
| even really listening to what his mom is asking? | | | | on a particular time of day that you will practice |
| He doesn’t need to put a lot of thought | | | | using experience sharing communication. Try to |
| into his answers, especially since these are | | | | make comments about the things you are |
| probably the same types of questions he is asked | | | | currently doing. If you find that you are having |
| every day. He understands the format for this | | | | difficulty not asking questions, try just being quiet |
| type of conversation: someone asks a question, I | | | | or talking about yourself. Spend some time |
| answer; another question is asked, I answer; and | | | | listening to snippets of other people’s |
| so on. The parent in this scenario isn’t | | | | conversations in a coffee shop or mall, or even |
| inviting responses; rather, she is expecting them. | | | | while watching TV. Think about what you hear, |
| She is looking for information, but is only receiving | | | | and how people are communicating with each |
| one and two word responses that hold little or no | | | | other. Chances are, they will be using experience |
| meaning. | | | | sharing communication. |
| Imperative communication is made up of | | | | While imperative communication is necessary at |
| questions and demands. In general, people use this | | | | times, to make requests and gather information, |
| type of communication approximately 20% of the | | | | we need to think about how much we use it. |
| time in their day to day interactions. Imperative | | | | Striving to use experience sharing communication |
| communication is a necessary part of daily life, | | | | at least 80% of the time will bring about a much |
| but it should not make up the majority of our | | | | richer experience for everyone involved. Helping |
| communication experiences. | | | | children with autism spectrum disorders begin |
| On the other hand, we use experience sharing | | | | sharing experiences, in a meaningful way, works |
| communication approximately 80% of the time in | | | | to improve the core deficits of autism and the |
| our daily interactions with others. The ability to | | | | quality of life. |