| Skills to encourage the development of friendships | | | | your child to learn the difference between a small |
| include learning self-control, encouraging problem | | | | deal (someone jumps in front of you in line) and a |
| solving and learning how to give and take in | | | | big deal (an older child threatens you or physically |
| friendships and interactions: | | | | hurts you). With big problems you seek help; with |
| Learning Self-Control | | | | little problems, you work it out. |
| The ability to regulate ones emotions is an | | | | It is also important for your child to develop |
| important but hard skill for some children to | | | | coping skills which will facilitate the development of |
| develop. However this skill's is essential if children | | | | resilience in them. Finally, you can remind your child |
| are to develop friendships and to be accepted by | | | | that every problem has several solutions. For |
| others. Other children tend to steer clear of peers | | | | example, if your child is teased, you can ask him |
| who can't manage their emotions - be it the child | | | | if he can think of ways to respond. Some |
| who cries over small issues or who get angry | | | | possibilities: Walk away. Or teach your child to |
| when things don't go their way... One way to help | | | | respond confidently to the other child, by saying |
| your child keep cool: Urge him to take a break - | | | | "Stop talking like that." |
| breathe deeply or take a drink of water - | | | | Promote Skills in Learning How to Give and Take |
| whenever emotions rise. Secondly encourage your | | | | in Interactions |
| child to express their emotions in an acceptable | | | | The ability to learn how to be reciprocal is |
| way. Talk about your own emotions ("I'm so | | | | essential in any friendship. Being reciprocal is |
| frustrated: I can't find bag!") and label your child's | | | | basically learning how to 'give and take' in an |
| emotions ("You look disappointed"). Eventually | | | | interaction and in friendships. One strategy to help |
| your child will be able to express his own feelings | | | | children develop reciprocity is to 'model reciprocity'. |
| and have an easier time reading the feelings of | | | | It is important that children observe reciprocity in |
| others, too. Basically you are becoming an | | | | the interactions around them. Show them 'sharing' |
| emotional coach for your child. Essentially you are | | | | ("Anyone wants some of my lollies?"), turn taking |
| skilling your child up in recognising and labelling | | | | ("You can use the bike first") and the art of |
| emotions and teaching strategies to manage them | | | | conversational give-and-take ("How'd you like |
| better. | | | | Superman? What was the best part?"). Listening |
| Encourage Problem Solving Skills | | | | to your child can be hard, especially if you're |
| There are a number of school yard behaviours | | | | harried and have several children, but it really |
| that will ostracize children if the child frequently | | | | helps to spend even 15 minutes a night listening to |
| engages in such behaviours. Such difficult | | | | them, conversing and being fully present |
| behaviours include frequent complaining, 'dobbing' | | | | It also helps to "catch" kids when they're being |
| or 'telling on' other children, lying or making a fuss | | | | considerate. It is important to emphasize the |
| over small difficulties in interactions. To manage | | | | internal rewards that come with thinking of others |
| and reduce such behaviours it is important to help | | | | and how it makes other feel. |