| As new parents, we start out parenting our | | | | handy on long drives and long waits at a doctors |
| children, as we where parented, and want our | | | | office. |
| children to react the same way as we did. | | | | - Set achievable goals - Being ambitious for your |
| However, children with special needs are likely to | | | | child or having high hopes is not a bad thing. But |
| throw us a curve ball, always when we least | | | | be careful not to set the bar to high for your child |
| expect it. If the tried-and-tested ways of your | | | | on a regular basis, with goals that they cannot |
| mother don't work for your children, then it's time | | | | achieve. These create experiences of constant |
| to make a change. | | | | failure, fear and frustration that are not good for |
| The following strategies may go against what | | | | your child's self esteem. Rather arrange |
| you've always been led to believed about | | | | successes, by keeping your goals realistic, and |
| child-rearing, but exceptional children require | | | | then build on those successes to a level that your |
| exceptional ingenuity. | | | | child can get to. |
| - Behaviour analysis is a start - Start with the | | | | - Keep track of changes - Change, especially if it |
| basics of behaviour analysis. Who is responsible? | | | | is unplanned can play havoc with your special |
| When, where and why did it happen? Make sure | | | | needs child's behaviour, and also for you as |
| that you have all the information and make sure | | | | parents. If at all possible, plan for the changes that |
| the punishment fits the crime. | | | | you know are going to happen, and prepare your |
| - Use a behaviour chart - You may be right in | | | | child before hand. |
| assuming that your child won't understand, follow | | | | - Good communications - Clarity is what all special |
| or care about a behaviour chart. If you thinking | | | | needs children need when spoken to. Use simple |
| about using a traditional chore-for-reward system, | | | | language, concrete rules and direct conversations |
| you may be right. This is where you need to be | | | | at all times. Don't expect your child to understand |
| creative, and come up with a chart that will give | | | | you when you are sarcastic, use body language |
| your child a reason to change his behaviour. You | | | | or figures of speech to lay down the law at |
| can start with a basic chart and then tailor it to | | | | home. What you can expect is your child's |
| match your child's needs and wants. | | | | behaviour becoming very unacceptable, so take a |
| - Choose you battles - "Why does everything | | | | good look at how you talk to your child, and keep |
| have to an argument?" That is something that | | | | good communication channels open. Failure to |
| you may have asked your child a million times, | | | | communicate can cause major set backs in your |
| but it's a question worth asking yourself, too: | | | | child's behaviour. |
| "Why does everything have to be a fight?" Is | | | | - Time-out Spots - Time-out can be very |
| every battle you choose worth it? Think carefully | | | | effective tool for modifying your child's behaviour, |
| about the situation before making a big issue of it. | | | | especially in children with special needs. Again, you |
| Ultimately, you may find that keeping the peace is | | | | are going to have to be creative, in where you |
| more important than enforcing the law, this time! | | | | send your child. Don't send your child to his room, |
| - Count to ten - Counting to 3 may work for | | | | if that is where he wants to be in any case, then |
| some kids, but children with special needs may | | | | his room is not a good choice as a time-out spot |
| need some extra time to change their behaviour. | | | | when you are not at home. Consistency is the |
| Forcing the issue with a quick count to three will | | | | key here, so find a "spot" that can be used no |
| likely end in a bad mood and worse behaviour - | | | | matter where you are, and that works for your |
| from you and your child. (Giving your child a little | | | | child. |
| extra time), lets both of you have more control | | | | - Keep looking for better ways - No two children, |
| over the situation and your child's behaviour will | | | | parents or families are the same, so no behaviour |
| improve, that's a good thing. | | | | plan will work for everyone. What works for your |
| - Keep a "bag of tricks" - Keep a bag of | | | | child now, may not work later as he gets older. |
| inexpensive goodies and use this to amuse, bribe, | | | | Reading parenting books that deal specifically with |
| comfort or distract your child. keep filling the bag | | | | behaviour issues can bring you a constant fresh |
| with new toys, and you will be surprised what a | | | | supply of ideas and strategies. |
| difference it can make, turning a wining, | | | | It is up to you to find the best ways to deal with |
| uncooperative child into funny, happy and | | | | your child's behaviour and find ways of dealing |
| contented one. Your bag of tricks will come in | | | | with your very special and unique child. |