| It is natural for some degree of sibling rivalry to | | | | child's help with a sibling. For example, you might |
| exist in any family. However, families containing a | | | | say "Can you please come with me and wheel |
| child with a learning disability run a far higher risk | | | | Jason in the stroller while I walk the dog? I know |
| of rivalry, given that the learning-disabled child | | | | he likes when you do that, and I love when you |
| consumes a lot more of the parent's attention. | | | | help me." |
| Here are ten rules to stave off rivalry: | | | | 8. Find a talent in each child to compliment in front |
| 1. Read the book Children: The Challenge by | | | | of family or friends. Be careful to do this equally |
| Rudolph Dreikurs, M.D. The book is based on the | | | | for each sibling. To avoid rivalry, you need to let |
| theory of "logical consequences" and helps with | | | | each child know they are appreciated and loved |
| almost any behavioral issue. When my kids were | | | | for their individuality. If everyone were alike, the |
| young, I kept it at my bedside so it was available | | | | world would be a boring place. |
| at a moment's notice. | | | | 9. When the time is right, be honest with your |
| 2. Let your children know that a sibling relationship | | | | children about a sister's or brother's difficulties. |
| is to be cherished. Friends may come and go, but | | | | You might say, "Although Anna is smart, she |
| a sister is always a sister. | | | | learns differently than you do. Everyone has |
| 3. Let your children settle their own petty | | | | different strengths. When you play Scrabble, it's |
| squabbles. Tell them you trust that together they | | | | unkind to laugh at her when she misspells a word." |
| can come to a fair resolution (self-fulfilling | | | | 10. Try to have fun together as a family and |
| prophecy). Interfere only if the disagreement | | | | laugh as often as you can. In our family, we used |
| becomes physical. | | | | to play a game in the car called "Who Would Say |
| 4. Make it apparent you value each child's opinions. | | | | This?" Each person thought of something unique |
| 5. Never compare siblings (at least not within | | | | that another family member typically says. For |
| earshot). Although you may be tempted, never | | | | example, "Who would say, 'Get those |
| say, "I wish you were neat like your sister", etc. | | | | blankety-blank roller skates out of the hallway. I |
| This only instills resentment and promotes rivalry. | | | | almost killed myself!'" |
| 6. When you are alone with each child, say | | | | These suggestions are not meant to imply that |
| something positive regarding how he/she related | | | | your kids will never argue or cause you to lose |
| to a sibling (i.e. "You were so kind to your | | | | your cool. But be careful what you say when |
| brother- I saw how generously you shared your | | | | tension arises. Once words are spoken, they |
| toys. Justin certainly is lucky to have a brother | | | | cannot be taken back. Children imitate what they |
| like you." Or, "I admired the way you dealt with | | | | see. If parents set the standards of respect and |
| Sara and compromised when you were arguing. | | | | kindness within the family and find the positive in |
| Sara is certainly fortunate to have you as an | | | | each child, your children will likely to do the same |
| older role model." | | | | with each other. |
| 7. Encourage a positive relationship by eliciting a | | | | |