| Social skills difficulties sneak up on most parents. | | | | should not be doing I asked him why he was |
| Suddenly the child who had played alongside the | | | | doing it. He replied, "Because I am Brian". |
| other kids is now feeling isolated and unable to | | | | I shared this comment with his parents who now |
| make friends. | | | | work hard at avoiding negative labels. However, |
| This happens because of how quickly social | | | | while we can control the labels given to our |
| interactions change once a child moves out of | | | | children in our own homes, we cannot control how |
| toddler-hood. While being able to take turns was | | | | they are labeled outside of our homes. |
| once enough, now the child must be able to: | | | | What You Should Do If Your Child Has Social Skill |
| - Grasp the nuances of both verbal and | | | | Problems |
| non-verbal language. | | | | Unfortunately social skills problems do not go |
| - Distinguish between literal and non-literal language. | | | | away by themselves. As social situations become |
| And while we take it for granted, this is not an | | | | more complex social skill difficulties become more |
| easy thing to do. | | | | obvious. That means that without appropriate |
| The worst part of the whole thing is that these | | | | social skills training, children who have trouble |
| children want to make friends. They just do not | | | | socially will have more and more problems as |
| know how to make or keep friends. | | | | they get older. |
| Why Your Child Just Doesn't Get Social Skills | | | | The best thing to do for your child is to work on |
| Parents often tell me it is hard to understand why | | | | these skills early. This will help your child |
| their child "just doesn't get it". One reason is | | | | effectively interact with his peers. |
| because their child is unable to learn social skills | | | | Do not push these needs aside until they become |
| through experience like other children. Instead, he | | | | overly apparent. If you feel your child is at risk, or |
| must be taught. | | | | is having difficulty making friends, get help. |
| While not limited to them, social skills difficulties | | | | As I mentioned earlier, children with autism |
| are key components to learning, language and | | | | spectrum disorders as well as learning disabilities |
| Autism Spectrum disorders. Unfortunately the | | | | have social skills deficits as a central feature of |
| research shows that few of these children are | | | | their disorder. If this is your child, these needs |
| getting the help they need. | | | | should be addressed automatically. There is no |
| The consequences of this are devastating. | | | | reason to wait. |
| Children who have trouble socially are at greater | | | | How Waiting to Get Social Skills Help For Your |
| risk of suffering from anxiety, depression, | | | | Child Only Complicates the Situation. |
| substance abuse and social isolation. They are also | | | | A mom from Nevada recently contacted me and |
| at greater risk of being bullied since they are | | | | said that her "very smart 11 year old daughter |
| unable to pick up on social cues. | | | | loves school" however, "she has kids she knows |
| The One Thing You Should NOT Do If Your Child | | | | and will talk to, but no real friends. She cries at |
| Is Experiencing Social Skills Difficulties | | | | night and doesn't want to go to recess or lunch at |
| Many parents get frustrated when they place | | | | school." |
| their children in settings with other children who | | | | I wish I could say such stories are uncommon, |
| have good social skills. They hope that their child | | | | but they are not. A Westchester mom recently |
| will learn from their peers, but since their child is | | | | said of her daughter "All I want is for her to have |
| unable to pick up on social cues they don't. | | | | at least "one" friend so that she does not hate |
| While this environment is important to practice | | | | school and she is not so lonely." |
| new skills, it is NOT the place to learn these skills. | | | | I hear these stories every day. For 15 years I |
| Everything moves too quickly and sets the child | | | | have worked with children who have these |
| up for failure. | | | | challenges in their lives. However, it is still hard for |
| It also risks them being misunderstood by the | | | | me to see children who are unable to make or |
| other children and adults. This leads them to being | | | | keep friends. |
| labeled the "weird", "mean" or "bad" kid. For | | | | At a recent health fair, I met a mother who told |
| example a child who's overly blunt may be prone | | | | me that her son who is on the autistic spectrum |
| to hurt another child's feelings without meaning to. | | | | said, "Mom, I always feel like there is something I |
| Even though he does not understand what he is | | | | am missing and I just don't know what it is." |
| doing wrong he may get in trouble. Unfortunately, | | | | What he is missing are the nuances of social |
| when children are given these negative labels they | | | | interactions. While most of us are able to learn |
| often feel it is their responsibility to live up to | | | | them without assistance, some cannot. |
| them. | | | | Fortunately with the help that is available today |
| For example, there is a little boy I know well | | | | these children are able to improve their social skills |
| whom I will call Brian. Brian is an active little boy | | | | and have friends. No child should be a lonely child. |
| with some attention and sensory issues. Brian is | | | | Let's take action today and help our children |
| also a very bright boy who doesn't miss a thing. | | | | overcome their social skills difficulties. Our children |
| One day when Brian was doing something he | | | | are depending on us! |