Social Skills 101

I recently attended a workshop with author andcomments and questions signal to others that
speaker Bob Burg (Endless Referrals) who talkedyou're interested in them.
about some of the most common mistakes3) Use Bob Burg's feel-good questions when
people make in networking. Things like shovingnetworking: "Tell me how you got into XYZ
business cards at someone and telling them you'rebusiness." "What is the most challenging aspect of
the best realtor, life insurance salesperson or youyour business?" And finally, "How can I know if
have the best "whatchamacallit" in the biz aresomeone I meet is a good candidate for your
sure fire ways to turn off a prospect. His sageproduct or service?" For Bob's complete list, refer
advice and system for networking revolvesto his book Endless Referrals, or visit his website
around a very simple but powerful principle: getat
over yourself and focus on the client or prospect.4) Pay attention to non-verbal cues others are
But do it in a way that is non-intrusive andsending. If you notice someone looking at their
sincerely interested in the other person.watch when you're talking, it's a clue. Are they
His message made me acutely aware of alooking away? Another clue. Are they turning their
pattern I see repeatedly in both business andbody away slightly, as if in an effort to close you
social situations. The perpetrators likely don't evenout? Take the hint! If you can see that someone
realize their behavior is potentially damaging tois involved in a focused conversation with another,
their credibility, and even more to their likeability.politely excuse yourself or simply mention that
Here's the pattern that pops up time and again:you'd like to connect when the person you want
Someone approaches me (or anyone else forto speak to is free. But don't just stand there as
that matter) and immediately begins telling theirif eavesdropping or waiting your turn to talk.
story, talking about their activities, their latest5) Become a student of the fine art of
personal breakthrough or whatever. Meanwhile theconversation. My friend, fellow coach and speaker
person who has inadvertently become the listenerLoren Ekroth is an expert in conversational savvy
is subjected to a monologue they may have littleand writes about it weekly in his ezine
or no interest in. Talk about a turn-off!"Conversation Matters." I always learn something
One of the hallmarks of emotional intelligence isfrom reading his weekly messages. To subscribe,
the ability to monitor your own emotional statesgo to
and behaviors, notice others' state and behavior,I challenge you to monitor your behavior in social
and adjust accordingly to produce a win-winsituations. If you'll practice putting others needs
relationship or result. Here are some tips forahead of your own, you'll find people naturally
improving your social savvy:gravitating toward you. If you find it difficult to
1) Remind yourself that others really don't caremake connections, take an honest look at your
about you and your story. Remember, everyonebehavior. Are you hogging conversations? Boring
has their personal antennae tuned to radio stationothers with your personal stories? Failing to take
WII-FM...What's In It For Me?a sincere interest in others? Or intruding on
2) Get into the habit of taking a sincere interest inothers' conversations either verbally or
others before expecting them to be interested innon-verbally?
you. Use simple bridge statements to connectRemember the old adage, "People don't care how
with the person you're speaking to. Examplesmuch you know until they know how much you
include simple but sincere compliments such ascare." Starting today, put this rule into practice
"You look great today!" or, a sincerely interested,and watch what happens.
"How has your week been?" These kinds of