| The words you use to state your rules supply | | | | Tacked up in clear view on the club house wall |
| important directions for how to get somewhere. | | | | was a poster: Ground Rules for Making Friends, |
| When someone gives you driving directions, can | | | | and the first item was Be Nice to Others. Thomas |
| you get there with: "To get to my house go | | | | made no connection between that rule and the |
| west and turn right in about 15 minutes"? Too | | | | screening process he created in his determination |
| general. Too many possible choices. Vague. A | | | | to share his fascination. Thomas truly did not |
| well-stated rule is clear in its directions, describing | | | | know what 'nice' and 'not nice' meant in such a |
| exactly where you want a behavior to go. | | | | situation. To him, he was just 'saying it like it is' |
| Do your Rules Inspire Action? A rule answers the | | | | and to others it was crushing. Thomas was |
| question "What is expected of me?" A | | | | baffled about what corrective action to take |
| well-phrased answer turns your rule into an action | | | | when his peers complained to program |
| that can be clearly seen or heard. As an example, | | | | supervisors. |
| let's explore a very short important rule, posted in | | | | To help Thomas with his social skills and |
| every classroom and found in some way | | | | interpreting rules, we created a two step Action |
| everywhere we go in life. | | | | Plan. |
| Listen to some of the many variations of how | | | | 1. Thomas was given this question to explore: |
| "Listen!" can look or feel when the message is put | | | | What do I need to do to be nice to others at the |
| into the clearest of choice of words: | | | | club? |
| - "Have your eyes looking at me when I am | | | | Together we came up with: |
| talking." (Be socially appropriate.) | | | | Include everyone who wants to be in the group. |
| - "Do what you have been asked - right away!" | | | | See if new people are interested in famous movie |
| (Sense of urgency) | | | | horses. |
| - "Be silent while I am speaking." (I feel | | | | Think about how I would feel. |
| disrespected.) | | | | Stop at the decided upon time. |
| - "Close your books and look up to the front." | | | | Self-monitor by looking at my watch. |
| (Take an immediate action, please.) | | | | 2. Thomas helped to craft a statement for |
| - "Put the game back into your backpack." | | | | himself that would give him the words to create |
| (Remove the distraction and give your full | | | | his 'audience' and also practice 'nice' behaviors. |
| attention.) | | | | "I am talking about famous horses. Would you be |
| Now you may say that we just know from the | | | | willing to listen for a few minutes?" When he |
| context of a situation what behavior is expected. | | | | began to feel territorial about his social circle, this |
| True, for most... | | | | question helped Thomas to handle his anxiety and |
| A Case Study: What Does "Be Nice" Look Like | | | | get assurance that he would have his limelight |
| for this Man with Autism? | | | | time. It worked well - Thomas had plenty of time |
| For the first time in his life, Thomas at 35 was | | | | to talk to his satisfaction. We also set a time limit, |
| attending a Saturday night social for adults with | | | | which he would monitor himself, and step out of |
| developmental disorders. Thomas had High | | | | the limelight and practice his 'audience' skills. A |
| Functioning Autism. Upon arriving at the club, | | | | support person would monitor this and in a matter |
| Thomas would quickly gravitate to the types of | | | | of time, Thomas was able to estimate for himself |
| people who would be his perfect audience. He | | | | when to call it quits. |
| loved the limelight and good listeners who were | | | | To get him reflecting on the payoff of his new |
| not inclined to interrupt his long tales about his | | | | behavior, Thomas was asked the question: How |
| fascination with horse movies. If the ' wrong ' | | | | does this new plan help you have a better time at |
| person wandered over, Thomas would protect his | | | | the club? Thomas answered, "People invite me to |
| center stage by abrupt comments such as "Go | | | | sit at their table when I invite them to listen to |
| away, you will interrupt me." Or "You won't be | | | | my horse movie stories." Thomas was able to |
| interested in this." From his own experience, | | | | connect how 'being nice to others' brightened up |
| Thomas knew what it felt like to be treated | | | | life at the club. |
| unkindly and he did express genuine sadness when | | | | Remember to choose your words so that they |
| we pointed out how he hurt people's feelings. | | | | vividly teach the how-to's of being social. |