| Parents, siblings and spouses dealing wtih a family | | | | 4. Develop boundaries around the person's illness. |
| member's mental illness face unique challenges. | | | | Decide what is appropriate "helping" and what is |
| Here are my top 5 ways to keep the family | | | | classified as someone elses's misplaced needs and |
| involved and moving forward. | | | | "enabling". It is very easy to fall into the trap of |
| Throughout my childhood my brother Tom took | | | | thinking the person cannot do things for him |
| up much of the family energy due to his mental | | | | herself, when often this is not the case. |
| illness. It wasn't his fault or ours, it just happens | | | | 5. Pay attention to your own wellness. It's not at |
| that way in families. As I think back on how my | | | | all unusual to become burnt out, and to start |
| parents dealt with the challenges, there are things | | | | isolating yourself personally and as a family. Take |
| I think they could have done better. Hindsight is | | | | extra good care of yourself. Spend time with |
| 20/20, I know, and they did the best they could. | | | | friends, go to a museum and get inspired by |
| But it's a very tough situation and every one of | | | | great art, plant a flower, do things you enjoy. |
| us who has lived with it can offer suggestions to | | | | Even if it feels like a struggle at first, do it -- |
| other families in crisis, which may spare them | | | | because in the long run your health and sanity |
| some pain. Here are mine. Here are 5 ways to | | | | needs to be replenished so you can give to the |
| improve the family situation when a member has | | | | rest of the family. |
| mental dis-ease. | | | | One word of caution here about the idea of |
| 1. Educate everyone about the illness. Knowledge | | | | "wellness" or taking care of your "self". You may |
| is power so get books, talk to doctors, seek out | | | | feel that taking good care of your "self" when the |
| support groups (see our resource section for | | | | family member suffers from mental illness is just, |
| ideas) and gather all the facts you can. You will | | | | well, plain ol' "selfish". But the fact is that being |
| each have different reactions to the situation, but | | | | able to stay well enhances you're abiliity to deal |
| at least you'll share concrete information. | | | | with your new family situation. In addition, caring |
| 2. Establish a support team of professionals. It's | | | | for your "self" means your will have more |
| not just the family member with mental illness | | | | patience and energy when they need you . In the |
| that needs professional support. Anyone in the | | | | end, families face many challenges if mental illness |
| family and the family as a whole may need | | | | is in the mix. Be proactive, realize this is |
| assistance with emotions, coping, communications, | | | | manageable, and keep others involved in the |
| and cooperation. | | | | process. Living your life as a family may have |
| 3. Talk with family members about the issues. | | | | changed due to the mental illness but that doesn't |
| Have family meetings to discuss feelings and | | | | mean you are not still a "family". Be creative and |
| problems each person is having. Share possible | | | | find other ways to do family things that make |
| strategies for addressing problems. Allow each | | | | sense under the changing dynamics. Nothing is |
| person to express their concerns openly and | | | | perfect but your response to the challenge and |
| honestly. Even though the family unit has changed | | | | your ability to model proactive behaviors for |
| due to the illness, be creative and continue to | | | | other family members will assist them in moving |
| stay connected as a family even if it "feels | | | | forward. |
| different". | | | | |