| Psychological Abuse | | | | fault of his own. She sinks deeper and deeper. |
| Psychological abuse leaves the victim blaming | | | | School or work performance suffers. Depression |
| herself and questioning her own perceptions over | | | | and anxiety sets in and self-isolation escalates. She |
| the behaviour of the abusive partner and it can | | | | begins to feel suicidal and fully dependent upon the |
| start very insidiously. | | | | abuser to maintain a degraded self and he now |
| Psychological abuse occurs when one's feelings, | | | | does as he likes. He toys with her and the |
| thoughts, preferences, desires, needs, appearance | | | | relationship. It can be off and on at his whim. He |
| or friendships are trivialized or made to appear | | | | can cheat, lie, manipulate and steal and she is |
| inconsequential relative to the abuser's. In other | | | | stuck with it lest her leaving give rise to his threat |
| words, the abuser constructs the relationship and | | | | of self-harm. |
| the world of the victim according to his terms | | | | In view of the abuse, her friends may try to |
| and conditions over that of the abused and for his | | | | warn her and may even threaten the abuser to |
| own gratification, which is often simply control | | | | cease his behaviour. Parents may find themselves |
| over the abused. | | | | in conflict with their daughter, recognizing her |
| To hold power over the abused, the abuser will | | | | plight, but unable to convince her of the dynamics. |
| resort to a number of tactics designed to hold | | | | After all, he started out so nice and he had his |
| her emotionally captive. To this end the abuser | | | | own issues, so he must love me underneath all of |
| may lavish the abused with flattery and praise, | | | | our problems and besides, I can't leave him, |
| complimenting her and making her feel remarkably | | | | because his welfare now rests on my shoulders. |
| indebted for the special, often overly generous | | | | Escaping such psychologically abusive clutches will |
| attention. At the same time, the abuser may | | | | likely require counselling. Counselling is aimed at |
| make the abused feel like she is the only person | | | | helping the abused cognitively step back and |
| who understands him, or is special to him. | | | | process the situation, such that she may come to |
| Unfortunately, her significance to his well-being | | | | understand the nature of the relationship and the |
| becomes a weapon to use against her later. If | | | | abuse. Further, counselling will be aimed at |
| she tries to escape the relationship, he may then | | | | providing tools or strategies to help her extricate |
| try to hold her emotionally hostage by positioning | | | | herself from the relationship even in view of the |
| her as ungrateful for his special attention and | | | | threats of harm imposed by the abuser. In other |
| hurtful to him when she is the only person in | | | | words, counselling is aimed at releasing the abused |
| whom he can confide and gain support and | | | | as hostage and helping her develop better |
| understanding. Thus the grip of the abuser | | | | boundaries to withstand the psychological |
| tightens and the abused feels guilty and/or | | | | manipulations of the abuser. |
| ashamed for hurting or abandoning this fellow who | | | | If your loved one or friend is in a psychologically |
| has lavished her with such special attention. | | | | abusive relationship and is resisting your help, then |
| If she seems to be escaping his grip, he may | | | | go with her to counselling. Don't fight her as this |
| then resort to more sinister control strategies. He | | | | only pits you against her and she will feel only |
| may place his well-being or his very life in her | | | | more threatened, overwhelmed and then |
| hands. He may threaten to hurt himself or even | | | | withdraw. Instead, seek to support her by |
| suicide if she leaves him. Thus now feeling | | | | understanding her fears the result his |
| overwhelmingly responsible for his welfare, she | | | | manipulations. In counselling, discuss your worries |
| succumbs to his demands for an ever-exclusive | | | | for her well-being without threatening her abusive |
| relationship. He then becomes more prone to | | | | relationship. She is already abused. Trying to |
| using negative and upsetting control strategies to | | | | control her more, even if truly in her interest is |
| maintain his grip, knowing that his threat of | | | | confrontational and may be inadvertently |
| self-harm is now all that is necessary to maintain | | | | misconstrued as abusive and may erode an |
| her compliance. She slowly feels her self-esteem | | | | otherwise wholesome relationship. |
| erode. She is frightened and isolated. He has | | | | Support, education, understanding and then the |
| caused her to believe this is all her responsibility | | | | development of extrication strategies aimed at |
| and the dynamics of the situation lead her to | | | | developing better boundaries is more the key to |
| believe no one understands the uniqueness of her | | | | overcoming the psychologically abusive relationship. |
| situation; that he is really a good person, if not for | | | | Go gently. She has already been hurt. |
| his current troubles and likely a troubled past, no | | | | |