| Many parents use the same type of | | | | when they are forced to spend timeouts |
| discipline for every problem situation. | | | | alone. These children can cool off in |
| One tool, however, is rarely effective | | | | the same room as other people, as long |
| for all situations. Plus, overusing one | | | | as they aren't disruptive. |
| particular tool also reduces its | | | | Some parents hesitate to use a child's |
| usefulness. Timeout is just one tool -- | | | | room for fear the child will view the |
| and it really isn't a "discipline" tool; | | | | bedroom as a prison. If the timeout is |
| it's an effective anger-management tool. | | | | initiated kindly and the goal is to give |
| Since the purpose of a timeout is to | | | | the child and you some quiet space, |
| help someone regain control, it is most | | | | children won't see it as punishment. If |
| appropriate to use when someone has lost | | | | you feel the child will be destructive, |
| self-control or there is extremely | | | | plan ahead and remove or put objects you |
| disruptive behavior. | | | | don't want destroyed out of reach. |
| Most adults have the mistaken idea that | | | | If you force a child to stay in a chair |
| the whole point of sending children to | | | | or room, it shifts the focus from what |
| timeout is to make the child suffer for | | | | they did and their responsibility for |
| their misbehavior. "You go to your room | | | | calming down to who is in power. This |
| (or chair) and think about what you | | | | turns the timeout into a punishment, |
| did." The tone of voice usually implies, | | | | which removes its effectiveness. |
| "and you suffer." Imposing suffering | | | | Present time-outs as a choice. A child |
| only brings on more resentment and power | | | | can choose to settle down or take some |
| struggles. Effective discipline, | | | | time out. Suggest the timeout in a kind |
| however, teaches children lessons from | | | | and firm manner, followed by the |
| their poor behavior choices, rather than | | | | encouraging instructions to come back |
| punishing them. If you want timeouts to | | | | when the child is ready. |
| be constructive, try following these | | | | Avoid timers. Use the child's ability to |
| guidelines: | | | | regain self-control or willingness to |
| Develop a plan in advance. Teach | | | | act appropriately to decide how long a |
| children during a happy time about the | | | | timeout should last. Timers often turn |
| value of a cooling-off period. Say, | | | | timeouts into power struggles. If |
| "When you feel like you're going to lose | | | | children have calmed down and are ready |
| control, you can go (specify the place) | | | | to return but parents won't let them |
| and do something to make yourself feel | | | | "come out," it often escalates the |
| better. Then, when you feel better, come | | | | situation. If children return before |
| out and we can work on a solution." | | | | they have calmed down, firmly but kindly |
| Teach children how to regain | | | | return them to the timeout and |
| self-control. Suggest things the child | | | | reemphasize the purpose is to cool off. |
| can do to calm down while in timeout. | | | | Describe the behavior you want to see |
| Older children can help decide where to | | | | that shows they are calm. |
| go and what they can do to help | | | | When a timeout is over: If the child |
| themselves calm down. | | | | lost control due to anger, let it go and |
| Allow the child to play. Many parents | | | | don't call attention to the behavior you |
| are upset when they find their child | | | | want to stop. If the problem is serious |
| playing during timeout, but it's | | | | or recurring, wait until both of you |
| actually a good sign that the child has | | | | have calmed down and then use problem |
| regained self-control. If they are ready | | | | solving to generate ideas for handling |
| to play, children might also be ready to | | | | the situation differently in the future. |
| do some problem solving. | | | | Think about your long-term goal. If you |
| Select a location for the time-out. Some | | | | want children to learn that it is their |
| children calm down faster when they are | | | | responsibility to control their |
| alone and in a quiet place. Other | | | | behavior, use timeouts as cooling off |
| children have too much energy to be | | | | periods which teach children how to |
| forced to sit still. Some children | | | | achieve this self-control. |
| become more out-of-control and hurtful | | | | |