Explaining child disorders


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USING EFFECTIVE TIME-OUTS

Many parents use the same type of disciplinein the same room as other people, as long as
for every problem situation. One tool,they  aren't  disruptive.
however, is rarely effective for all
situations. Plus, overusing one particularSome parents hesitate to use a child's room
tool also reduces its usefulness. Timeout isfor fear the child will view the bedroom as a
just one tool -- and it really isn't aprison. If the timeout is initiated kindly
"discipline" tool; it's an effectiveand the goal is to give the child and you
anger-management tool. Since the purpose of asome quiet space, children won't see it as
timeout is to help someone regain control, itpunishment. If you feel the child will be
is most appropriate to use when someone hasdestructive, plan ahead and remove or put
lost self-control or there is extremelyobjects you don't want destroyed out of
disruptive  behavior.reach.
Most adults have the mistaken idea that theIf you force a child to stay in a chair or
whole point of sending children to timeout isroom, it shifts the focus from what they did
to make the child suffer for theirand their responsibility for calming down to
misbehavior. "You go to your room (or chair)who is in power. This turns the timeout into
and think about what you did." The tone ofa punishment, which removes its
voice usually implies, "and you suffer."effectiveness.
Imposing suffering only brings on more
resentment and power struggles. EffectivePresent time-outs as a choice. A child can
discipline, however, teaches children lessonschoose to settle down or take some time out.
from their poor behavior choices, rather thanSuggest the timeout in a kind and firm
punishing them. If you want timeouts to bemanner, followed by the encouraging
constructive, try following these guidelines:instructions to come back when the child is
ready.
Develop a plan in advance. Teach children
during a happy time about the value of aAvoid timers. Use the child's ability to
cooling-off period. Say, "When you feel likeregain self-control or willingness to act
you're going to lose control, you can goappropriately to decide how long a timeout
(specify the place) and do something to makeshould last. Timers often turn timeouts into
yourself feel better. Then, when you feelpower struggles. If children have calmed down
better, come out and we can work on aand are ready to return but parents won't let
solution."them "come out," it often escalates the
situation. If children return before they
Teach children how to regain self-control.have calmed down, firmly but kindly return
Suggest things the child can do to calm downthem to the timeout and reemphasize the
while in timeout. Older children can helppurpose is to cool off. Describe the behavior
decide where to go and what they can do toyou  want  to  see  that shows they are calm.
help  themselves  calm  down.
When a timeout is over: If the child lost
Allow the child to play. Many parents arecontrol due to anger, let it go and don't
upset when they find their child playingcall attention to the behavior you want to
during timeout, but it's actually a good signstop. If the problem is serious or recurring,
that the child has regained self-control. Ifwait until both of you have calmed down and
they are ready to play, children might alsothen use problem solving to generate ideas
be  ready  to  do  some  problem  solving.for handling the situation differently in the
future.
Select a location for the time-out. Some
children calm down faster when they are aloneThink about your long-term goal. If you want
and in a quiet place. Other children have toochildren to learn that it is their
much energy to be forced to sit still. Someresponsibility to control their behavior, use
children become more out-of-control andtimeouts as cooling off periods which teach
hurtful when they are forced to spendchildren how to achieve this self-control.
timeouts alone. These children can cool off



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