| Many parents use the same type of discipline | | | | in the same room as other people, as long as |
| for every problem situation. One tool, | | | | they aren't disruptive. |
| however, is rarely effective for all | | | | |
| situations. Plus, overusing one particular | | | | Some parents hesitate to use a child's room |
| tool also reduces its usefulness. Timeout is | | | | for fear the child will view the bedroom as a |
| just one tool -- and it really isn't a | | | | prison. If the timeout is initiated kindly |
| "discipline" tool; it's an effective | | | | and the goal is to give the child and you |
| anger-management tool. Since the purpose of a | | | | some quiet space, children won't see it as |
| timeout is to help someone regain control, it | | | | punishment. If you feel the child will be |
| is most appropriate to use when someone has | | | | destructive, plan ahead and remove or put |
| lost self-control or there is extremely | | | | objects you don't want destroyed out of |
| disruptive behavior. | | | | reach. |
| | | | |
| Most adults have the mistaken idea that the | | | | If you force a child to stay in a chair or |
| whole point of sending children to timeout is | | | | room, it shifts the focus from what they did |
| to make the child suffer for their | | | | and their responsibility for calming down to |
| misbehavior. "You go to your room (or chair) | | | | who is in power. This turns the timeout into |
| and think about what you did." The tone of | | | | a punishment, which removes its |
| voice usually implies, "and you suffer." | | | | effectiveness. |
| Imposing suffering only brings on more | | | | |
| resentment and power struggles. Effective | | | | Present time-outs as a choice. A child can |
| discipline, however, teaches children lessons | | | | choose to settle down or take some time out. |
| from their poor behavior choices, rather than | | | | Suggest the timeout in a kind and firm |
| punishing them. If you want timeouts to be | | | | manner, followed by the encouraging |
| constructive, try following these guidelines: | | | | instructions to come back when the child is |
| | | | ready. |
| Develop a plan in advance. Teach children | | | | |
| during a happy time about the value of a | | | | Avoid timers. Use the child's ability to |
| cooling-off period. Say, "When you feel like | | | | regain self-control or willingness to act |
| you're going to lose control, you can go | | | | appropriately to decide how long a timeout |
| (specify the place) and do something to make | | | | should last. Timers often turn timeouts into |
| yourself feel better. Then, when you feel | | | | power struggles. If children have calmed down |
| better, come out and we can work on a | | | | and are ready to return but parents won't let |
| solution." | | | | them "come out," it often escalates the |
| | | | situation. If children return before they |
| Teach children how to regain self-control. | | | | have calmed down, firmly but kindly return |
| Suggest things the child can do to calm down | | | | them to the timeout and reemphasize the |
| while in timeout. Older children can help | | | | purpose is to cool off. Describe the behavior |
| decide where to go and what they can do to | | | | you want to see that shows they are calm. |
| help themselves calm down. | | | | |
| | | | When a timeout is over: If the child lost |
| Allow the child to play. Many parents are | | | | control due to anger, let it go and don't |
| upset when they find their child playing | | | | call attention to the behavior you want to |
| during timeout, but it's actually a good sign | | | | stop. If the problem is serious or recurring, |
| that the child has regained self-control. If | | | | wait until both of you have calmed down and |
| they are ready to play, children might also | | | | then use problem solving to generate ideas |
| be ready to do some problem solving. | | | | for handling the situation differently in the |
| | | | future. |
| Select a location for the time-out. Some | | | | |
| children calm down faster when they are alone | | | | Think about your long-term goal. If you want |
| and in a quiet place. Other children have too | | | | children to learn that it is their |
| much energy to be forced to sit still. Some | | | | responsibility to control their behavior, use |
| children become more out-of-control and | | | | timeouts as cooling off periods which teach |
| hurtful when they are forced to spend | | | | children how to achieve this self-control. |
| timeouts alone. These children can cool off | | | | |