| Many parents use the same type of discipline for | | | | more out-of-control and hurtful when they are |
| every problem situation. One tool, however, is | | | | forced to spend timeouts alone. These children |
| rarely effective for all situations. Plus, overusing | | | | can cool off in the same room as other people, |
| one particular tool also reduces its usefulness. | | | | as long as they aren't disruptive. |
| Timeout is just one tool -- and it really isn't a | | | | Some parents hesitate to use a child's room for |
| "discipline" tool; it's an effective | | | | fear the child will view the bedroom as a prison. If |
| anger-management tool. Since the purpose of a | | | | the timeout is initiated kindly and the goal is to |
| timeout is to help someone regain control, it is | | | | give the child and you some quiet space, children |
| most appropriate to use when someone has lost | | | | won't see it as punishment. If you feel the child |
| self-control or there is extremely disruptive | | | | will be destructive, plan ahead and remove or put |
| behavior. | | | | objects you don't want destroyed out of reach. |
| Most adults have the mistaken idea that the | | | | If you force a child to stay in a chair or room, it |
| whole point of sending children to timeout is to | | | | shifts the focus from what they did and their |
| make the child suffer for their misbehavior. "You | | | | responsibility for calming down to who is in power. |
| go to your room (or chair) and think about what | | | | This turns the timeout into a punishment, which |
| you did." The tone of voice usually implies, "and | | | | removes its effectiveness. |
| you suffer." Imposing suffering only brings on | | | | Present time-outs as a choice. A child can choose |
| more resentment and power struggles. Effective | | | | to settle down or take some time out. Suggest |
| discipline, however, teaches children lessons from | | | | the timeout in a kind and firm manner, followed |
| their poor behavior choices, rather than punishing | | | | by the encouraging instructions to come back |
| them. If you want timeouts to be constructive, | | | | when the child is ready. |
| try following these guidelines: | | | | Avoid timers. Use the child's ability to regain |
| Develop a plan in advance. Teach children during a | | | | self-control or willingness to act appropriately to |
| happy time about the value of a cooling-off | | | | decide how long a timeout should last. Timers |
| period. Say, "When you feel like you're going to | | | | often turn timeouts into power struggles. If |
| lose control, you can go (specify the place) and | | | | children have calmed down and are ready to |
| do something to make yourself feel better. Then, | | | | return but parents won't let them "come out," it |
| when you feel better, come out and we can | | | | often escalates the situation. If children return |
| work on a solution." | | | | before they have calmed down, firmly but kindly |
| Teach children how to regain self-control. Suggest | | | | return them to the timeout and reemphasize the |
| things the child can do to calm down while in | | | | purpose is to cool off. Describe the behavior you |
| timeout. Older children can help decide where to | | | | want to see that shows they are calm. |
| go and what they can do to help themselves | | | | When a timeout is over: If the child lost control |
| calm down. | | | | due to anger, let it go and don't call attention to |
| Allow the child to play. Many parents are upset | | | | the behavior you want to stop. If the problem is |
| when they find their child playing during timeout, | | | | serious or recurring, wait until both of you have |
| but it's actually a good sign that the child has | | | | calmed down and then use problem solving to |
| regained self-control. If they are ready to play, | | | | generate ideas for handling the situation differently |
| children might also be ready to do some problem | | | | in the future. |
| solving. | | | | Think about your long-term goal. If you want |
| Select a location for the time-out. Some children | | | | children to learn that it is their responsibility to |
| calm down faster when they are alone and in a | | | | control their behavior, use timeouts as cooling off |
| quiet place. Other children have too much energy | | | | periods which teach children how to achieve this |
| to be forced to sit still. Some children become | | | | self-control. |