How to Explain your Bipolar Disorder to Children

Parents who have bipolar disorder typically worrygiving their kids too much grief, too much chaos. I
about the effect of the illness on their kids, butrecently decided that I had to treat my six year
there is little information available about how toold as a friend, rather than as her boss. That's
reduce the impact.working for the moment, but I do expect her
It's doubly difficult because bipolar disorder is anneeds for understanding, and therefore how I
inherent, built-in part of you as the child's parent.treat her, will change.
Here are some ways we can help children cope• Set aside your own embarrassment or
with our bipolar disorder and grow up normally.shame so you can talk frankly about your
• Drip-feed information in small dollops onbehaviour when you are ill. The easiest way to do
demand. Keep updating your explanation as thethis is with the nickname - you can say 'It wasn't
years go by and the children's understandingme, Bertha did it,!' After all, when you were ill you
increases, as you may do with sex education.were 'not yourself'. (That is not to say you're not
• Answer questions openly in a way thatresponsible for doing your best to stay well!)
invites further questions. Answer the question and• Apologies for your behaviour when ill
do it truthfully, fully and honestly. Then beare not necessary. Instead, say you wish it hadn't
prepared to answer any follow-up questions.happened, and focus on what the child observed
Eventually you will get a look that says 'enoughand felt during that time.
info for now, thanks.' Let the child determine the• Allow the children to see the best of
end of the conversation.you. Children do what parents do, not necessarily
• Avoid lectures, where you talk and thewhat they say. You have to agree, sometimes a
child listens. Use everyday occurrences asbipolar parent is not the type of role model you
opportunities to make brief comments on the run.want for your kids. You can model responsibility,
This technique reduces bipolar disorder to ahealthy self-criticism, admitting your own
normal everyday matter-of-fact thing.shortcomings, determination to live well, and
• Give bipolar a nickname. In my onlinerefusal to admit defeat. From your example, your
course for sufferers and their supporters I run achildren will learn how to overcome setbacks in
fun exercise where we all think of a nickname fortheir own lives.
our bipolar disorder. Calling it 'Bertha' or 'Gerry'• Finally, if your bipolar is causing you to
allows us to separate ourselves from our ill-selves,act as a parent in ways that you do not approve
and even laugh at it. That's an important activityof then seek assistance from professionals who
for children, too. Find out from your child if theyunderstand and accept bipolar as an entity - your
have a nickname for it, or encourage them todoctor or psychiatrist, for example, rather than
think of one, and use it when they see Bertha orsocial workers and psychologists who may not be
Gerry arrive! Kids are one of the best alarm-bellseducated about mental illness.
that tell us we're becoming ill.At the end of the day, we all want the best for
• Have fun with your children - daggy,our children, but recognise that events beyond
no-cost fun. Tell them it's their job to have fun,our control impact on every child on the face of
and not to be concerned about you.the earth. Don't waste time grieving about
• Expect to have to change. Manysomething you can't change - just enjoy your
parents with bipolar disorder worry that they arechildren while they grow.