| Parents who have bipolar disorder typically | | | | |
| worry about the effect of the illness on | | | | • Expect to have to change. Many |
| their kids, but there is little information | | | | parents with bipolar disorder worry that they |
| available about how to reduce the impact. | | | | are giving their kids too much grief, too |
| | | | much chaos. I recently decided that I had to |
| It's doubly difficult because bipolar | | | | treat my six year old as a friend, rather |
| disorder is an inherent, built-in part of you | | | | than as her boss. That's working for the |
| as the child's parent. | | | | moment, but I do expect her needs for |
| | | | understanding, and therefore how I treat her, |
| Here are some ways we can help children cope | | | | will change. |
| with our bipolar disorder and grow up | | | | |
| normally. | | | | • Set aside your own embarrassment or |
| | | | shame so you can talk frankly about your |
| • Drip-feed information in small | | | | behaviour when you are ill. The easiest way |
| dollops on demand. Keep updating your | | | | to do this is with the nickname - you can say |
| explanation as the years go by and the | | | | 'It wasn't me, Bertha did it,!' After all, |
| children's understanding increases, as you | | | | when you were ill you were 'not yourself'. |
| may do with sex education. | | | | (That is not to say you're not responsible |
| | | | for doing your best to stay well!) |
| • Answer questions openly in a way that | | | | |
| invites further questions. Answer the | | | | • Apologies for your behaviour when ill |
| question and do it truthfully, fully and | | | | are not necessary. Instead, say you wish it |
| honestly. Then be prepared to answer any | | | | hadn't happened, and focus on what the child |
| follow-up questions. Eventually you will get | | | | observed and felt during that time. |
| a look that says 'enough info for now, | | | | |
| thanks.' Let the child determine the end of | | | | • Allow the children to see the best of |
| the conversation. | | | | you. Children do what parents do, not |
| | | | necessarily what they say. You have to agree, |
| • Avoid lectures, where you talk and | | | | sometimes a bipolar parent is not the type of |
| the child listens. Use everyday occurrences | | | | role model you want for your kids. You can |
| as opportunities to make brief comments on | | | | model responsibility, healthy self-criticism, |
| the run. This technique reduces bipolar | | | | admitting your own shortcomings, |
| disorder to a normal everyday matter-of-fact | | | | determination to live well, and refusal to |
| thing. | | | | admit defeat. From your example, your |
| | | | children will learn how to overcome setbacks |
| • Give bipolar a nickname. In my | | | | in their own lives. |
| online course for sufferers and their | | | | |
| supporters I run a fun exercise where we all | | | | • Finally, if your bipolar is causing |
| think of a nickname for our bipolar disorder. | | | | you to act as a parent in ways that you do |
| Calling it 'Bertha' or 'Gerry' allows us to | | | | not approve of then seek assistance from |
| separate ourselves from our ill-selves, and | | | | professionals who understand and accept |
| even laugh at it. That's an important | | | | bipolar as an entity - your doctor or |
| activity for children, too. Find out from | | | | psychiatrist, for example, rather than social |
| your child if they have a nickname for it, or | | | | workers and psychologists who may not be |
| encourage them to think of one, and use it | | | | educated about mental illness. |
| when they see Bertha or Gerry arrive! Kids | | | | |
| are one of the best alarm-bells that tell us | | | | At the end of the day, we all want the best |
| we're becoming ill. | | | | for our children, but recognise that events |
| | | | beyond our control impact on every child on |
| • Have fun with your children - daggy, | | | | the face of the earth. Don't waste time |
| no-cost fun. Tell them it's their job to | | | | grieving about something you can't change - |
| have fun, and not to be concerned about you. | | | | just enjoy your children while they grow. |